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Post by moonlight on Jul 19, 2010 8:19:36 GMT -5
Hi Vee and all of you nice people
That's very helpful, the image of the river floating. I need that now!!! I just had my second client and it went very very well. So I'm all hyper now because of wrong reasons (pride basically). And because of that I become afraid again.
What can I do to feel the river today?
There are no rivers around here. There is one place that I always feel calm, it's in a park. But my bike's broken. And I need to do some chores (otherwise taxes will be late and it'll cost me dearly). And I need to write a report from the session we just had. AArgh!
Moonlight
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Post by g on Jul 19, 2010 9:10:21 GMT -5
Moonlight, there are lots of videos on Youtube that have rivers flowing and the sounds of the gushing waters. A bath and a new age CD could do the trick too G
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Post by moonlight on Jul 19, 2010 10:32:00 GMT -5
Haha, thanks!
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Post by primrose on Jul 20, 2010 3:36:12 GMT -5
Have been so busy with work, phew, and still am. I had a creative disaster yesterday that was expensive in terms of time and materials. It was on my new client's job and that was very hard for me to deal with. When I am stressed it is hard for me to keep my boundaries and I really had to yesterday, but I know I looked very vulnerable and felt it. And stress, because of my childhood, is bonding for me. This job is testing my recovery in every way. I got to a SLAA meeting which helped and I'm going to DA tonight, so I'll just keep close to recovery and pray that I'll be okay, but I am really out of my comfort zone at the moment.
I'm praying for guidance around recovery in business. I really want someone to come into my life who understands emotional incest at work and how that impacts on a person, I am sure people have tread this path in recovery many times before, I just haven't met them yet. Am going to go to a business debtors anoymous meeting this week. I used to go years ago when I set up in business on my own, am not sure I'll get what I want there, but will try. If I could meld love addiction recovery and being addicted to narcissists and work and power and status and struggle, I would be happy right now, as it is, I'm not acting out and doubt I will, but I want to sit in meetings and hear people who've done this and know how to heal from it. P.
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Post by g on Jul 20, 2010 4:43:00 GMT -5
Finding it stressful today. No electrics at home because of repairs in village. My freezer is packed and in these temperatures I am likely to lose everything in there. Either that or throw an impromptu party. No I don't think so since we've had dinner and desserts with friends for last 4 evenings. So no internet, no electricity, my bberry battery almost down and needing fellowship and outreach emails today. Daughter has invited 7 of her friends home this afternoon. Not looking forward to that at all without electricity. Want to go back to bed and wake up tomorrow G
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Post by serenity on Jul 20, 2010 6:33:28 GMT -5
Big hug G and P, being powerless is so hard but can be done in even the most difficult situations, may you find your serenity in the madness of the day x
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Post by g on Jul 20, 2010 7:07:32 GMT -5
Electricity back for now so feeling a bit better. Was planning to finish painting bathroom ceiling rather than fret as I went thru withdrawals from the board. I am addicted to the board and recovery work but putting what I'm learning into practise with my h, my daughters and my friends. I value all my recovery friends here and off the board and I don't want that to change. But growing up is painful for me. And as I've been 16 for 36 yrs I'm only just learning to deal with some teenage issues I've always had difficulty with. G
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Post by g on Jul 20, 2010 7:11:16 GMT -5
Just read your post Vee and it brought a smile to my face. I've realised I've been 'powerless' in more ways than one today
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Post by moonlight on Jul 20, 2010 11:44:51 GMT -5
Hi! P, I don't remember, what's your take on the higher power? To me that's incredibly helpful every time I tend to seek validation outside myself. I've found I have an image of a woman inside me, that can guide me. But haven't found/met a male one yet. It might be helpful, but I just don't feel it. Last week in the EMDR-session, I went way back to kindergarten. Where I found myself outside of a group, feeling different and inferior (this was a memory). And than the therapist asked me to help the little girl, and I suddenly felt this big womanly feeling, that helped the girl, made jokes about the other kids, very good humoured, happy, and completely on the little girl's side. Wonderful feeling. Recognize this from earlier times. It helped!
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Post by trout46 on Jul 20, 2010 15:09:12 GMT -5
Hi All:
As much fun as I had in NYC, the inredible vibrance of the city, being with my best friend since we were tots, having his insightful and loving help with my recovery, I am very grateful for the opportunity to come to the board and begin to post about my life again.
Serenity and Moonlight: There is no single other aspect of Nature that I love more than rivers! I grew up in an awful, dirty, corrupt, crime-ridden, blue-collar city. Although I was fortunate to have traveled to Greece a few times to visit family, and was introdduced to the beautiful Mediterranean, the Greek isles, and much natural beauty, it wasn't until I was in graduate school in my 20s that a friend took me backpacking in the High Sierra mts. of California. Nirvana! I found my heaven on earth! And of all the spectacular beauty of that mountain range, the one thing that totally and overwhelmingly captivated me were the absolutely gorgeous streams--especially those above about 8000'.
I have traveled rather widely, sometimes made huge life decisions, because I love rivers and streams, wilderness, mountains, and warm exotic beaches. But of all of these natural wonders, it is a simple high mt. stream that just takes my breath away. (And the fact that the loveliest freshwater fish in the world swims in those streams--trout--is for me, hitting the lotto!)
Just writing about the deep spiritual and sensory experience I always feel sitting (or standing, wading, fording...anything!) by a stream conjures up such a deeply felt sense of emotional well-being in me that multiple recollections of my time around streams, creeks, and rivers floods )no pun intended) my mind. For example, I forgot that before I first escaped from Indiana (state I grew up in), while I was an undergraduate, I was fond of sittling along a little brook that ran through the campus. I once sat there and read Hesse's Siddharta. Wow! Could it get any better?
Sorry, I really got lost in how wonderfully mesmerizing, and deeply moving, is my enchantment with streams and rivers. In short, I really get it.
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Post by kelleyboy on Jul 20, 2010 20:03:03 GMT -5
KB here. not much of a poster or replier, but i do get on the board and read. I am the truest bluest love and relationship addict i know. Not posting much because i dont have a computer at home and also feel that in some way i am such a newcomer to any kind of recovery that most of what i would post would be advice.'no one here needs that. As for what is going on with me, i am doing a mixed SAA/Alanon/RLAA 4th step. These are the three issues that knocked me on my ass this last year. Very overwhelming to say the least. My wife and I split up a month ago. Caught her cheating on me. She is a gaming addict, and i overheard her 'cybering' with a guy on chat. Also found out that she had a real affair two years ago atma point when we had temporarily split. She made the decision to pack it in, and went home to her moms. Not sure about the future, but i am starting to come to terms with it, and am acutely aware that our marriage had been crap pretty much from the beginning. Anyway, just thought i would let you all know whats been up with me lately. And not lurk too much.
KB
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Post by rickfaith on Jul 20, 2010 21:16:14 GMT -5
thanks KB....you have friends here. all the best.
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Post by CJ on Jul 20, 2010 21:19:47 GMT -5
It is good to see you KB. I am sorry to hear of your split with your wife. It must be a difficult time. I had a difficult time dealing with infidelity by my ex-wife (not Poa). We had both been miserable for a long time and were really just waiting for the kids to go to college before ending. It was still, painful, experiencing the infidelity; betrayal, rejection, dishonesty. Hang in there. CJ
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Post by trout46 on Jul 20, 2010 21:52:19 GMT -5
Good to hear from you KB! I can really empathize. When my ex and I split for the second time in early January, I wasn't able to do much beyond teach my classes. You are definitely in the right place.
Don't worry about what you post (e.g., advice). (Now I'll give you some.) When I discovered the LAA site in April, it saved me. Sharing with others, and getting feedback--which included much appreciated advice and suggestions--was definitely helpful for me. The thing that really helped back then was finding a community of others who were suffering exactly what I had been experiencing. FWIW: I also found that engaging myself in endless activities helped (a bit) with the obsessions.
Really good to see you on the board!
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Post by quinn on Jul 20, 2010 23:24:04 GMT -5
KB, really glad to hear from you and also sorry about the break-up and the cheating. It's such a hard thing to go through, especially in the first few months. It's been 6 months for me since finding out about the cheating and 3 months since the split. I don't really miss POA anymore but I feel so lonely some days.
Tonight is especially lonely. I think it's because I talked with my dad briefly on the phone (which I practically never do) and it reminded me of that old longing for attention and connection that I never got as a child. The longing feels as real and as painful tonight as it did when I was 8 or 9. Like nothing will ever be big enough to satisfy it. Hence the love addiction.
It's so strange to realize that what I'm feeling right now is what I was feeling when I got involved with POA. I knew it was the wrong relationship to get into from the very first day but I did it because my longing and my loneliness had grown so big I simply didn't care. I was willing to give up everything to be with him just because of the way he hugged me. A good hug is like crack for me. I never got hugged by my parents. Not even once. And so now I crave them like a drug fiend. I'm feeling uncertain that a person can ever really get over this feeling.
Depressing evening.
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