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Post by CJ on Jul 15, 2010 11:56:53 GMT -5
Update 22 July 2010 -
I am inclined to delete this thread, but have decided it is better to leave it up as a reminder to myself that problems can only be resolved if I deal with them, rather than running away from them. I am here to stay. This Board and this Group are stable, strong and an anchor when my life is most turbulent. Thank you everyone.
CJ
Hi Everyone,
It has come to my attention that several of my recent posts (Book Club, Fourth of July) were perceived as flirtatious. In all honesty, I did not perceive them that way and, certainly, did not intend them to be that way. I have had a life-altering experience over the last week or so and am rediscovering aspects of my personality that I had long ago buried and I was like a kid in a toy store. Sadly, my rediscoveries were not accompanied by improved judgment. Intent, however, is irrelevant and if they were perceived as flirtatious, they were inappropriate. I am deeply sorry for having made anyone uncomfortable.
My use of this group to act out is unforgivable. People are here for recovery and are in pain. The last thing they need to experience is discomfort and vulnerability. For this reason, and personal reasons I will not share, I am leaving this group.
I would like to thank everyone who has been so supportive and generous to me. This group has literally saved my life on more than one occasion. I wish everyone the best, every happiness and God Speed in your recovery.
Take care,
Craig
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Post by quinn on Jul 15, 2010 12:41:02 GMT -5
CJ, I don't know what to say. I'm feeling very sad about this and don't understand. I didn't perceive your posts as flirtatious. If you really WANT to go and feel that is what is best for you then I'll just say good-bye and wish you well... but if you have felt pushed out in some way or feel like you HAVE to leave, this bothers me a lot. You said that you honestly haven't intended to do anything that was inappropriate so maybe working things out with whoever felt offended might be better than leaving? I'm worried about this. It feels too reminiscent of people getting kicked off the old site.
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Post by rickfaith on Jul 15, 2010 12:43:43 GMT -5
Best of luck if you leave, hope you stay...come back again later if you wish, and sometimes things are n ot as bad as what we project or think. I know you didnt offend me any, but we are all very touchy too...as LA`s that comes with the illness we have.... hypersensitive they called it when i was in rehab many moons ago. Come back, work it our, or good bye as you see fit...to me you will always be welcome but i dont know the fascts or what happened... Just be nice if we dont put it all on the front page and deal internally somehow... I dont know wnhat elese to say... just be gentle with ourselves, all of us.
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Post by sexlessw on Jul 15, 2010 15:26:49 GMT -5
CJ I didn't even read the posts you make reference to. I'm with RickFaith - you never offended me! I wish that you would not leave, but if that is what you need to do, then you do it. Sorry you feel that way.
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Post by iwillsurvive on Jul 15, 2010 16:05:07 GMT -5
CJ - I read your posts and didn't consider them flirtatious at all. Somehow I'm guessing your concern and decision to leave plays into your recovery. Have you been criticized a lot by parents and/or POAs? Do you leave people/situations when you are afraid of rejection -- a sort of pre-emptive strike? Reject them before they reject you.
I ask these questions because I recall you wanting to leave the former board too. Plus, I'm a journalist and that's what annoying people like me do. Haha. Our most basic instincts involve feelings of fight or flight when threatened. I've done both of those things depending on the circumstances involved.
Of course, you can leave this board but I'd like you to consider staying to work out whatever has happened. You make a great contribution here and have an excellent professional background as well.
Group dynamics come into play on this board. Plus, we are all love and relationship addicts so we will sometimes experience conflict or other issues surrounding our addiction. Respect for self and others is key but because we're human we will all fall short at times. That's where grace comes in. We extend grace to others and learn tolerance of differences and in the process we learn to be kinder to ourselves and more forgiving of others.
I will respect whatever decision you make, but it would be great to see you deal with this issue here where we are all free to be real and truthful about some of the most personal aspects of our lives. We were wounded in relationships and it is in relationship that we will find the most healing. IMHO
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Post by knowlove on Jul 15, 2010 16:22:29 GMT -5
You've apologized for whatever it is you feel you have done. This board is not here to condemn others but support them. All of us here have things we have done (obviously) that we are not proud of. It is your decision whether to leave or not but sometimes facing what we did, learning from it and moving on is the best bet. Only you know if you can do this and still feel comfortable. I hope you'll reconsider and stay. All of us are on our journey for recovery and none of us are perfect. That is why we are here. If you cannot feel safe and supported here, where can you?
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Post by primrose on Jul 15, 2010 16:37:48 GMT -5
Hmmm, was very amused by your book club comment, am sorry to hear it was considered inappropriate. I hope you'll stay CJ, or come back if you do go. Recovery's a process, no one has to do it perfectly. I cartainly haven't, and won't. I will miss you very much if you do go. Best. P.
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Post by trout46 on Jul 16, 2010 2:37:52 GMT -5
yeCJ: I have surely missed something profound since I left for NYC. Your decision to leave stuns me. I am terribly sorry that whatever motivated this led to your decision to leave.
Other than that, my sentiments are well represented by IWill's, Quinn's, Knowloves, and Prim's comments.
Please rethink this.
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Post by CJ on Jul 16, 2010 12:19:51 GMT -5
Uhhh ..... Hi
I'ts me
.............. Can I come home now?
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Post by g on Jul 16, 2010 12:24:30 GMT -5
Welcome home G
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Post by knowlove on Jul 16, 2010 12:51:31 GMT -5
Yes, of course! So glad you decided to stay. Welcome back!
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Post by quinn on Jul 16, 2010 13:00:02 GMT -5
The best thing about home is that you can always come back to it.
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Post by sexlessw on Jul 16, 2010 13:17:58 GMT -5
CJ:
Like they said and still say on the "Price Is Right" = COME ON DOWN!!!!
Sorry, but we can't give you a showcase showdown or a spin on the wheel to get there - ho ho ho - but I for one am thrilled you have not left.
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Post by iwillsurvive on Jul 19, 2010 11:37:36 GMT -5
CJ --
If you feel comfortable, it would be great to hear about how you processed the situation that led to you wanting to leave the board and the admin team. I don't see many posts from you about what you're going through or how you're growing but I did see you write about how you have discovered an aspect of your personality that was hidden before.
Can you share? I learn so much from other people's journeys. Something in it will uncover something in my life that I may have forgotten or buried. It's part of our group dynamic.
If something occured that would cause you to want to leave, it must have been significant. I think a lot of us will want to leave this board or other groups at times and maybe we can learn from what you experienced.
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Post by CJ on Jul 22, 2010 8:36:24 GMT -5
Thank you IWS. I am sorry it has taken so long to reply.
I experienced a very dramatic change several weeks ago and was able to share things and address issues that I had blocked from my consciousness for many years, mostly relating to the death of my first wife 16 years ago. These were issues very central to my LA (really RA). I soon found that I was remembering the person I was those years ago and starting to feel like that person again. I realized that I had become a very depressed, addicted, passively angry guy who had lost all self-esteem and was incapable of seeing value in himself. Worst of all, I had become unbearably boring. This was not the man I was and, certainly, not the man my late wife loved. As I started seeing and considering all of these things, I started actually feeling more like the guy I was those years ago. I found myself energized and focused and my sense of humor returning (such that it is). I was and remain really enthusiastic. Some of that enthusiasm, perhaps too much, filtered over to my posts. Regretfully, I deleted all of my posts. In retrospect they were not nearly as over the top as I believed at the time.
There was then a private disagreement between a member and I that quickly became out of control. Things were said and accusations made that prompted my apology on this thread. Other untrue things were said that were very hurtful to others. I internalized much of what was said, even though I now recognize it was not valid, but designed to hurt me and others. I, therefore, thought my continued presence here would be a negative influence on the membership and resigned.
I learned a great deal from this experience. I learned to face problems, rather than run from them. I learned that my friends are really my friends. I learned that the people here are probably the most loving, generous, forgiving people I know. So, I am staying. I was like the kid who runs away to the Circus and is assigned the job of cleaning up the elephant poo. It is much easier to just come home.
CJ
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