jealousy and obsession

[g]

Just had a horrible dream and woke up in a cold sweat. My left arm was numb and I just couldn't understand why I wasn't getting pins and needles. Seemed to take forever for it to get back to normal. My thoughts were muddled but racing. Dreamt I was trying to catch up with my sister. She was very excited and flustered and wouldn't stop to talk to me. She finally confessed she'd spent the night with my poa. WTF??? Said it had been wonderful. Then she ran off again and I was in pursuit my pulse racing and tears in my eyes. How could he have done this to me?
How could he have done this to her?
How could she have done this to me?
Triangles even haunting my dreams. Ugh.

G

[primrose]

My jealousy (not that I'm very in touch with it) is family jealousy and about getting my parents attention. I don't know G but maybe your original POA is parental? If your sister is sharing your POA it might be a deeper trigger than just your EMA? P.

[g]

That could be right P. It would have to be my mother then. Only 16mths between my older sister and me. She was always skinny and weak(would also explain why I'm particularly jealous of very slim women who seem to get away with eating whatever they like but never get fat ), everybody has always thought I'm older then her. I think I tried to be as different from her as possible all my life. I. Ws also very protective of her tho. Perhaps I saw the real me in her? I know that it used to really annoy me to see how she got. Away with blue murder because she played on her weakness and we all had to understand how frail she was.
I have also been trying not to think about the inheritance stuff. This sister is the one that comes out with the most. Her flat is groundfloor and she has run her business from there for over 20 yrs rent free.
But we're not allowed to talk about that because mum says we're all the same in her eyes.
All the same but different.

Think you're right again P. Starting to see how strong that rivalry is and have been aware over the last few weeks, because of the family money issues, that feelings that have been long buried are coming back to the surface. Don't like it. Feel sick at the thought of either burying the feelings again or all hell being let loose. I know money's huge with me. I hate it I really do.

[g]

Me, my mum and old babysitter (my sister was excluded and I gloated)
Me my sister and my mother
Me my bf and his mother (old cow that she was. I wasn't good enough for her precious son)
Me, my h and his mum ( she neglected him so I 'saved' him. But she can still do no wrong)
My poa's ex lover, the one who managed to break his heart, was my rival, then his wife who could do no wrong. But when he talked about his mother once or twice I could feel the jealousy stirring.

Phew! Is this really all about me wanting my mother's love and me just not being good enough to get it?

[moonlight]

Can relate to that very much. Always feel my sister is more attractive, I' m the lesser one. Always fighting for my mother' s attention (but most of the times in different situations with different people). Dreaming about it a lot. Love.

[serenity]

Oh G it sounds like a traumatising dream esp with the realisations that your getting from it.

I was writing over the weekend about the seemingly impossible healthy bond between mother and child, i mean they bring us into the world and are responsible for our everything and the pressure of that scares me silly but women are born to do it and so its taken for a given that they bond but as we see in recovery this is not the case in most cases i think.

I have a meditation where i imagine my body going into the flow of the living waters and become one with the water just allowing myself to literally 'go with the flow'. I then add into the water anyone that is troubling me so my mum and brother and they are behind me but in the energy of the healing living waters and it helps me accept, surrender and let go a bit.

Lots of love to you