Bad habits die hard

[g]

Thank you so much for that update Craig and well done for opening up to us.
I think silence can often leave us feeling more isolated than we really are. When hardly anyone is posting I often feel I'm the one with more problems than most. That makes me think I'm clingy and needy and not able to just 'be'.

I'm sorry you've been going thru such a hard time. When you're engaging with a POA in that toxic tango nothing is going to come of it except for more pain and from what you've just written you seem to have realised that by yourself.
Being surrounded by people that have our interests at heart allows out healing process to take off because we feel safe and nurtured. Able to give and receive wholeheartedly.
You sound as if you're finding yourself again and that unresolved grief may be surfacing. Now could be the perfect opportunity to dig deeper and really discover what your core issues are.
I've been on my 4th step for 8 months and I'm still uncovering old hurts and in no hurry at all to rush thru the rest of the steps. I'm getting to know me, after all, what's the rush?

My brother dying 30 yrs ago seems to be at the root of my LA and as I didn't grieve his death properly first time round , I'm giving it as long as necessary this time.

Glad you made that effort to post Craig. Look forward to hearing and learning more.
G

[quinn]

Yank,
I remember some posts a while back about you trying to decide whether or not to stay in contact with your POAs family. I'm so sorry she threw out the silverware that had such meaning for you. She sounds especially crazy.

I really understand the overwhelming feeling of having to start over in a new location. My change wasn't as drastic as going from NYC to a corn field, but I still get it. Everything is different, even the geography, and it can all feel so sad and frightening. But what you said about getting a chance to "reboot" is very true. I feel so lucky to have escaped my POA and I get to restart my life without him in it. You are lucky too. Even though it probably doesn't feel like it right now.

((((((Craig))))))

[knowlove]

Hi DY,
Thanks for sharing with us. I know when I have not posted as much I feel more frustrated and overwhelmed.
I am so sorry for what you are going through right now and that your POA had the cruelness to thrown out your W's silverware. I think you are dealing with an awful loy of emotions right now.
I can understand your wanting to fill up your "need" with another to stop the pain. Of course you feel badly for the new one whom you may have hurt but the good thing is you realized what you were doing and stopped. It sounds like you are doing well in many areas but maybe feeling lonely (totally understandable) and moving must be a difficult thing as well. I do see though that you can see what you are doing and are trying to change the way you think or react to your pain/emotions. None of us are going to change overnight (if only we could!). I find coming here my safe haven and glad you feel the support of everyone here as well. Keep posting and stay in touch. We are all here for each other! Hope you start feeling better about your move. It can't imagine how difficult that was. (((HUGS)))

[primrose]

Hi DY, just catching up on posts, been working like crazy for a week and had no time to be here. Well done for not carrying it further with that new woman. No one has to do this stuff perfectly, and stopping it before it got too intense, is progress, happy for you. And it's not a failure of will. Addiction is "self will run riot" so don't worry if you've had a failure of will, it's usually a sign of giving up on will and surrendering instead, which will get you well. Phew, am sorry about the silver. What a horror that ex of yours is. And who throws out silver, what a liar. I hope the steps get accepted soon and we can get on with them here, look forward to that. Big hug. P.

[sexlessw]

Craig:

There is nobody here who is going to judge you.

If you have to write 1000 posts to us, do so.

Think of the positive things you've done recently. You moved. You stepped back from a possible POA situation. You are dealing with your issues.

I'm not going to comment on the POA and her family and their situations. IMO it's time to severe that chord for good. Everybody is acting out on a "child" level. Which leaves you nowhere and leads to more pain.

Whereabouts in Michigan did you go to? Upper Peninsula or Lower Peninsula? Hope you're not too near Detroit these days...