Intimacy

[lotus]

When I hide my problems from my husband, I am avoiding intimacy. But I don't want to admit my struggles with my addiction, because I'm afraid it will make him want to go away. If I share and then am afraid he'll going away, future intimacy is blocked because I feel I need to protect myself, emotionally.

So what's the solution? Is there a middle ground? I suppose in recovery we just do our best to be self-aware, take healthy risks, and trust in our HP. That is all we can do.

[knowlove]

Lotus,
I too do not share any of this with H. I did try at one point to tell him I was an LA but he denied it and said he felt I was pretty normal and that everyone has a little bit of that in them so felt he wasn't ready to deal with that.
Easy to understand why we fear they would leave as being in it ourselves we know the hard struggle it is. I do wish I could be open and honest but right now feel it would hurt him too much so I know what you are going through. It is a tough decision but you know your H best and know how he would react and feel. My solution is to keep working on me and be the best I can. Asking HP for help constantly to heal me and help me recover and stay focused which is very difficult for me. Glad to have you here!

[serenity]

Yes its so painful isn't it when you cannot allow yourself to be close to someone. For me it was about not being comfortable in my own skin and therefore i had so much shame and guilt about who i was that i couldn't share who i was even though i was in recovery for codependence and working the programme well.

I learnt to ask myself why i was sharing certain info with my then partner. Was it for validation? Did i want rescuing? To be felt sorry for? To be told everything willl be ok? This was hard to see at times but the more awareness i had the better i was able to look after me and know when i just wanted to genuinly share my journey which included with friends, family and my ex partner.

I believe the only way to allow intimacy into our lives is to have an intimate relationship with God and thus ourselves. To help us do this we have the programme of recovery for Love addiction, Codependence, or whatever addictions are holding us hostage. Its is through working the 12 steps that we find love for ourselves and others. I've seen it work for people who were so broken they had no idea they could be put abck together again in Gods way. But they have been and they give me and other people in recovery so much hope.

Here's to that hope finding us all and wrapping us up with Gods love. Vee

[knowlove]

thanks Vee. Truly finding ways to love ourselves definitely will open doors for us to receive and accept love from others as well.
Well said!

[rickfaith]

too much water under the bridge for me and gf.... thats what i think...she finally agreed to therapy...had second sesssion today i assume.. but too little too late comes to mind... it is very boring, little passion, little attraction, little intimacy...and fear. Good eh...yeah just great recipe...but right now i cannot function much and wont make major moves in this state of mind...at least l learned that much... just stay in one day at a time...this too shall pass.