Post by quinn on Jun 12, 2010 17:52:40 GMT -5
I am one of those people for whom NC is not an option right now. I married my POA and am in the process of divorcing and selling the house which requires (at least for now) contact almost every week. Once the house has sold, there will be further meetings with lawyers until, I imagine, at least the new year.
LC has been very very difficult for me. Every time I have a week away from him I start feeling strong, I see him for who he really is (alcoholic, avoidant, anger issues), and I know I will be okay on my own. Then I see him and I lose contact with reality. I imagine again that he is a wonderful, kind, good person who needs me to save him. Sometimes even an email from him, one that is just about business) sends me down this road.
So clearly LC requires extra measures in order to get through contact without being back at square one every time. I have found that, for me, the crucial steps are:
1. Before contact, call or email friends (who understand recovery) and let them know contact will be happening today and you need to check in afterwards. Then call or email afterwards so you can get a reality check in case you developed contact-induced-amnesia about POA.
2. Before contact, read your journal! This will remind you of who POA really is and you will be less likely to get lost in a fog of nostalgia. After contact, again, read your journal! Do this immediately (your journal should be in the car or purse with you) before the contact has had too long to settle into your brain in a negative way.
3. Spend at least 10 minutes with HP before and after contact. This will remind you that POA is NOT your HP.
LC has been very very difficult for me. Every time I have a week away from him I start feeling strong, I see him for who he really is (alcoholic, avoidant, anger issues), and I know I will be okay on my own. Then I see him and I lose contact with reality. I imagine again that he is a wonderful, kind, good person who needs me to save him. Sometimes even an email from him, one that is just about business) sends me down this road.
So clearly LC requires extra measures in order to get through contact without being back at square one every time. I have found that, for me, the crucial steps are:
1. Before contact, call or email friends (who understand recovery) and let them know contact will be happening today and you need to check in afterwards. Then call or email afterwards so you can get a reality check in case you developed contact-induced-amnesia about POA.
2. Before contact, read your journal! This will remind you of who POA really is and you will be less likely to get lost in a fog of nostalgia. After contact, again, read your journal! Do this immediately (your journal should be in the car or purse with you) before the contact has had too long to settle into your brain in a negative way.
3. Spend at least 10 minutes with HP before and after contact. This will remind you that POA is NOT your HP.
