Post by knowlove on Jul 23, 2010 9:14:59 GMT -5
Last night (when I do my best thinking, except it is like 50 thoughts at once in a jumble), I started thinking about my different POA's, and what, if anything, they had in common.
I noticed not all, but most (not like I have a ton), are self centered or self absorbed. I started thinking about jigsaw puzzles then and how when you start fitting the pieces together, you finally get the clear picture.
So, I started looking at the personalities of these men and asked myself who I thought of and surprisingly it came to me-my father! It felt weird to me to think this because my mom was so dysfunctional that we always thought of him as our savior. He would come home from work and bring us to the beach and bring us for pizza, ice cream, etc. But then I thought of OTHER things he does. Talking about HIMSELF, doing things for himself. Being self absorbed in his own world and what he wanted. It's not that I believe he is a selfish person completely and I know he loves me more than anything but again, he has very selfish tendencies and DOES act selfishly. So I was thinking why is it that I seek that part of my father out and not his wonderful ,kind, loving side? It's not like he ever went way out of his way for me but if I ever needed him, as an adult, he was always there (although as a child he left me with a crazy mother knowing how bad she was). He always drove my sister and I all over on weekends to go to friends houses etc,. He was there in some ways but not maybe the one that meant the most-keeping us safe from a nutcase mother. I hope some of this makes some sense. I never realized this till last night and know it is an important piece of information to my recovery. Just not sure how it fits into my puzzle! If anyone has any ideas, suggestions or sees something there they'd like to comment on please do!
I noticed not all, but most (not like I have a ton), are self centered or self absorbed. I started thinking about jigsaw puzzles then and how when you start fitting the pieces together, you finally get the clear picture.
So, I started looking at the personalities of these men and asked myself who I thought of and surprisingly it came to me-my father! It felt weird to me to think this because my mom was so dysfunctional that we always thought of him as our savior. He would come home from work and bring us to the beach and bring us for pizza, ice cream, etc. But then I thought of OTHER things he does. Talking about HIMSELF, doing things for himself. Being self absorbed in his own world and what he wanted. It's not that I believe he is a selfish person completely and I know he loves me more than anything but again, he has very selfish tendencies and DOES act selfishly. So I was thinking why is it that I seek that part of my father out and not his wonderful ,kind, loving side? It's not like he ever went way out of his way for me but if I ever needed him, as an adult, he was always there (although as a child he left me with a crazy mother knowing how bad she was). He always drove my sister and I all over on weekends to go to friends houses etc,. He was there in some ways but not maybe the one that meant the most-keeping us safe from a nutcase mother. I hope some of this makes some sense. I never realized this till last night and know it is an important piece of information to my recovery. Just not sure how it fits into my puzzle! If anyone has any ideas, suggestions or sees something there they'd like to comment on please do!
