Exposing the mask of insanity

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Psychopathic narcissists. On the prowl for nice people to exploit. WOW

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXEgzhMKGeg

Extreme energy vampires
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1oMa7yvzW_Q&feature=related

OMG the woman who made these videos was the victim of a psychopath. She really knows her stuff. And she's talking to me and telling me to thank my lucky stars I got away from my poa when I did. This is amazing stuff. Please watch if you were involved with a Narc. This may help me top move on further and help me get rid of the fantasy altogether.

I know he was a projection but my child keeps trying to make up excuses for him or justify his behaviour. I'm still telling myself that deep down he really did have feelings for me and that's why I still can't let go... Must keep watching this writer's videos
G

[primrose]

Will watch these, thanks G!

[primrose]

I find those cartoons very weird! They are a bit spooky with the metalic voices, although I can see why she's chosen to do that. The empath stuff is interesting too.

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I never watch cartoons and I agree that the voices are spooky. Maybe that is exactly why they work for me. I can see my POA engaging with me mechanically and being detached emotionally. he was so weird a lot of the time and I just couldn't figure out how he could say he cared at times and then be so unfeeling.

He said he only empathised with me but I think he just sucked all the 'love' I had inside. It became so painful towards the end that I just snapped. I had nothing left to give and hitting bottom was my last chance to break away from him and go through withdrawals in earnest.
God only knows how many times I attempted that on my own.

As I said above, I think this woman knows her stuff and that these videos are really effective. I can see my POA as an empty shell now. Not blaming him. Actually I think it makes me feel sorry for him and more forgiving. It's mindblowing for me that anybody can be so 'unfeeling' when I take on other people's pain so easily. Actually, I'm not doing that so much these days and finding it easier to detach. I need all my energy to be supportive of the people who love me and care about me and were there for me in a healthy way when I needed them most.

G

[primrose]

Hey G, that's great that they're helping!

I'm not a big fan of the "dark soul" name because I think it sounds as if narcissists are not really human. My goddaughter could very well become a narcissist and her brother could very well become a love addict. I watch their behaviour and I see her cutting off from feelings and lying and using charm and I see her brother over giving and being incredibly empathic. It's a trauma response in both of them. My goddaughter is a little girl who has been so damaged by the pain of her father's abandonment and a cruel divorce, that she's at risk of becoming a very damaged and damaging person. Equally, her brother might grow up to be a "nice" person and a victim and a gentle soul rather than a dark soul, but that "niceness" is his adaption to trauma. It wouldn't mean he was an intrinsically nice person.

His rage about the divorce, his pain, all of it, matches his sister's. It's just that his adaption is more socially acceptable. He's learnt that he'll get attention by being pleasant and empathic, she gets attention by behaving really badly.

So as adults it might look as if he was really caring and sensitive and kind, and she might well seem cruel and immoral and dismissive, but actually, neither of them would know themselves at all.

I'm really loath to see myself as a nice person who was the prey of a monster. Not because I wasn't used (I was used) but because I was used and I used. I was prey and I was predator. "Normal" people don't end up in relationships with psychopaths for very long. They get scared and they leave. To get involved with someone who is willing to be anything you want them to be is freaky and insane. My POA was a very damaged man and I was a very damaged woman. I met my emotional match as water finds its own level. To have a fantasy affair with a married man is not in any way "nice". What a joke!

So I can't really go with the idea of being a nice person who is the easy prey of some monster who sucked the life force out of me. I exhausted my POA with my neediness as much as he exhausted me. My false self was just as false as his false self.

Possibly meeting my POA was the best opportunity I ever had to really understand myself because the "nice" false self was ripped away for me. I realised how much of my identity was a mask. The "dark soul" name makes me think of how women often see themselves when they're married to alcoholics and have no recovery. They are the saints who put up with the insanity of the alcoholic. They are bullied, abused, victimised, they hold the families together, they try so hard. They are GOOD, the alcoholic is BAD. For sure, the abuse happens, the wives of alcoholics really suffer terribly. But, when they get into alanon they realise that they are just as emotionally unwell as their husbands. They are also damaged and abusive and harm their children and are far from saints.

Actually, I think the work that woman is doing is great, and I'm sure her book is very profound. I'm just not a big believer in the idea of dark souls compared to nice people. Most unrecovered love addicts are full of rage and hatred and are highly manipulative and have very little self awareness. They're victims and blame everyone but themselves for their problems and demand that they are taken care of emotionally. They're narcissistic and huge energy drainers as they're often complulsive talkers. The niceness is also a mask to draw people in. I'd like to see a balance with stuff like that where the empath/nice person was also seen as someone who used others and preyed on others.

[primrose]

G, I know you know all about codependency, but I think for guests and newbies (when we get them it's good to have a balance to the idea of predators on the prowl for nice people to exploit. You and I know that "nice" isn't the full picture but that's not obvious in early recovery, and going down the narc bashing route can be a bit of a dead end. Although, saying that, it can also be very fruitful to learn about the traits of narcissism and get real about them not caring and get the rage out about being used by one.

Useful description of the masks of a codependent, and also a lovely short film about shame and connection and authenticity.

www.artistryinhealing.com/Codependency.html

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I was very much a dark soul and narcissistic while I was involved with my poa.

I used him as much as he used me.

I just want to be able to let go of him for good and seeing him as a narcissistic SA busts that fantasy of him possibly having feelings for me. I still think I have feelings for him, no matter how illogical that is. I know I was very sick when I was involved with him and that was why I was drawn to him.

I'm just very unsettled right now and living in a marriage that I see differently now. Not very sure I ever had or felt love in my life with anyone and trying to come to terms with that.
G

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I still obsess about my poa far too much. There's too much pain in real life for me so inn order for me to stay centred I need to knock my poa off thepedestal I put him on. That is not perfect recovery work any means but I don't have much else apart from the board and the internet resources I can find right now. I'm voicing my fears and trying not to act out. But I fail time and time again as soon as I go back into lala lannd.
G