Post by primrose on Sept 3, 2011 6:54:31 GMT -5
Resentments, Harms, Fears, Love&Relationship conduct.
There are a few different ways to structure a step 4. Step 4 is a searching and fearless moral inventory and its purpose is to help people understand their own behaviour.
You will be writing about your resentments and your hurts, but these old pains are to be looked at carefully. What is essential in a step 4 is to see our own part. This is an opportunity to let go of blaming others and to let go of blaming ourselves. Acknowledging we have a part in our resentments is very powerful, seeing how our childhood hurts set us up to repeat dysfunctional patterns with others is very freeing. Doing a step four is not always easy, but it is a gift and I wish you the very best of luck as you go through the process. You are very courageous to do it and can be proud of yourself.
Split your step into columns.
Column One.
I'm resentful towards: (give name of person, place, organisation etc)
Column Two.
The cause of the resentment:
Column Three.
Decide how you were effected by the resentment, you may have been effected in lots of ways by it.
Affects my:
self-esteem
security
ambitions
personal relations
sex relations
pride/shame
fear
Column Four.
What did I do?
Putting out of your mind the wrongs others have done, resolutely look for your own mistakes. What did YOU do, if anything, to set in motion circumstances which in turn caused people or institutions to hurt you and eventually led to your resentment of them for doing so?
Column Five.
Look VERY carefully at your own part. My sponsor told me to write that I was dishonest in every one of my resentments. Initially I was angry with her for telling me that, but I realised that dishonesty can mean simply not speaking up for myself, not sharing my feelings, being too afraid to be honest. Look carefully at the meanings of all of the words on the list because this is a very fruitful part of the step. This column helps you break any denial you have about yourself.
I was:
dishonest
self-seeking
selfish
inconsiderate
Repeat this process with harms, fears and conduct. And then do something nice for yourself You deserve it!
There are a few different ways to structure a step 4. Step 4 is a searching and fearless moral inventory and its purpose is to help people understand their own behaviour.
You will be writing about your resentments and your hurts, but these old pains are to be looked at carefully. What is essential in a step 4 is to see our own part. This is an opportunity to let go of blaming others and to let go of blaming ourselves. Acknowledging we have a part in our resentments is very powerful, seeing how our childhood hurts set us up to repeat dysfunctional patterns with others is very freeing. Doing a step four is not always easy, but it is a gift and I wish you the very best of luck as you go through the process. You are very courageous to do it and can be proud of yourself.
Split your step into columns.
Column One.
I'm resentful towards: (give name of person, place, organisation etc)
Column Two.
The cause of the resentment:
Column Three.
Decide how you were effected by the resentment, you may have been effected in lots of ways by it.
Affects my:
self-esteem
security
ambitions
personal relations
sex relations
pride/shame
fear
Column Four.
What did I do?
Putting out of your mind the wrongs others have done, resolutely look for your own mistakes. What did YOU do, if anything, to set in motion circumstances which in turn caused people or institutions to hurt you and eventually led to your resentment of them for doing so?
Column Five.
Look VERY carefully at your own part. My sponsor told me to write that I was dishonest in every one of my resentments. Initially I was angry with her for telling me that, but I realised that dishonesty can mean simply not speaking up for myself, not sharing my feelings, being too afraid to be honest. Look carefully at the meanings of all of the words on the list because this is a very fruitful part of the step. This column helps you break any denial you have about yourself.
I was:
dishonest
self-seeking
selfish
inconsiderate
Repeat this process with harms, fears and conduct. And then do something nice for yourself You deserve it!