Your Addictive and Compulsive Behaviours

[admin]

Write a short history of the destructive patterns you can see in your relationships. Focus on your own behaviour; what you have done to hold onto a partner when the relationship was toxic, how you have thrown anger bombs or seductive bombs to get your own way, how you've returned again and again to abuse. Look for the ways you have sabotaged your own happiness. Don't write about your partner's behaviour, this question is for you to see your own compulsive and addictive patterns.

When you've written your history, look over it, and pick out the behaviours that fill you with shame and confusion. These are the behaviours that you need to bottom line. I know it may seem impossible to believe that you can give them up, but accepting your powerlessness over your addiction will let it happen. When I set my bottom lines I felt that I could never stick to them, but I did, miraculously committing to recovery and staying sober a day at a time, really works.

To give you an idea of what a bottom line can look like, here are a few:

I will behave with dignity at all time.
I will not have sex on a first date.
I will not line up a new potential partner when I am fed up with a relationship. (i.e. I will not have a "fall back girl/guy")
I will not read romantic fiction or watch triggering films.
I will not get drunk and call my POA.
I will not pick up when my POA calls me.

[moonlight]

I will not ask the oracle for advice on a potential partner more than once.
I will not date anyone if I have evidence that they don't fit my criteria (shared sense of humor, smart, compassionate, assertive and communicating in an equal way).
I will not have sex with someone until I'm in a committed relationship in which we've agreed on faithfulness.
I will not go into a committed relationship unless I feel good about it emotionally, spiritually and physically.

I will not cyberstalk my ex, his ex-wife or their children.
I will not go places hoping to meet them.

I will only date online when I feel steady and good about myself in the hands of god.
I will behave with dignity at all time.

[primrose]

Great list M! Really thorough. Best luck and love with it. P.