How to Know What's Normal?

[quinn]

I'm feeling lonely and depressed today. Not craving my POA, but wishing I had someone to be with, someone to talk with, someone just to hang around and watch TV with even.

I'm not feeling like a crazy, craving addict (at the moment anyway.) What I want seems normal. But is it? And how would I know? How am I supposed to tell the difference between a desire for companionship with someone vs. the addictive need to be loved, to feel special? If I met someone and came to love him of course I would want to be special to him and would want him to think of me all the time (well not ALL the time, but you know what I mean.)

Don't non-addict people want that too? Am I supposed to be happy being alone for the rest of my life? I am perfectly capable of being alone and it wouldn't be a horrible life, but it's not what I want. I want a family and someone to love and be loved by. Is there something wrong with that?

And furthermore, I want to know that there is ONE person in the world who considers me his one special person. I want to belong to someone. Not in a creepy possessive sense, but in a family sense. I don't have any children, the family I grew up with all live in another state and, as we know, I no longer have an H (just a stbx.) This leaves me feeling very sad and alone—like a stray dog without a pack, a horse without a herd. I don't think human beings are meant to live all alone.

Am I thinking about this all wrong? Am I sounding like an addict? I really don't know.

[iwillsurvive]

quinn,

Well, of course, I'm a love and relationship addict so my opinion may be skewed but I do think it's normal to want to love and be loved.

I'm sorry you're feeling badly today. I am too. I have a hole in my heart where a father's love is supposed to be and Father's Day reminds me of that.

Since you're going through a divorce, I'm sure you're feeling loss and grief. That's normal, but it doesn't make it any easier. I've been there and it can be very difficult. If you lose a husband to death, everyone gathers around you and comforts you but when you lose a husband to divorce, people generally scatter. People going through divorce are often the walking wounded and they most often don't get the support they need.

The good news is that as you grieve your old life, you will begin to enter into a new life. The grief doesn't last forever. You will see the light again.

Sending you love and hugs and comfort tonight. Be good to yourself.

[primrose]

Big hug Quinn, it's very painful to feel longing and sadness at not having love. I think it's normal to want to love and be loved. In other process addictions (like food addiction) people have to learn how to have a healthy relationship with food, I think LAs are just the same. Food is part of life, I think love is too. So my goal in recovery is to have a healthy relationship with love and not use on it. P.