Is it this simple?

[knowlove]

As you know I am trying to figure myself out (no easy task let me tell you!) and was wondering could it be as simple as being lonely why I tend to be vulnerable every few years to an affair? I realize I am a love addict and I am searching for attention and get obsessive once I do find myself involved with someone but wondering if the reason could be something so simple?

[sexlessw]

KnowLove:

It could be hormonal - seriously - it could be. Women change up once they enter their 30s. That's when I had my first EMA.

With something else missing tossed in.

Define "lonely" - is it being alone or being alone and sad?

[knowlove]

Good question! My first was at 32! Hm..................you may be onto something there! Thanks for the thoughts.

[primrose]

Loneliness is a huge trigger for me too. But everyone gets lonely, not everyone gets addicted to EMAs to deal with loneliness. Some people just have a cry and buy something nice and it works for them (lucky things). My response to the terror of my husband not being with me, was to have an EMA, I know that's not exactly normal. Although I have met other people in recovery who responded to cancer the same way I did and I'm SO grateful for that. I am over-sensitive to loneliness. I had to much as a child and can't deal with it very well. Loneliness is like poison for me. I go crazy with it if it's very intense. It's the feeling I've most acted out on. I sexualise it to avoid it. My withdrawal was all about sitting with it and facing it, and these days I am far better at coping with loneliness than I ever was. Sometimes I even really enjoy being alone. I never thought I would feel like that. P.

[serenity]

I'm learning how to be alone for the first time in my life at 30. 7 months may not sound long to most people being single but its a huge achievement for me. I know that to heal properly from my love addiction i need to spend at least 2 years with myself growing my relationship with God and its something that inspires me and scares me at the same time.

I know that if i can create a life for myself for a good period of time then no matter what happens in my life I know i will be ok on my own. I have my little dog peanut for company now when i'm home alone which helps and we have lovely cuddles and i always have my outreach calls to fellowship friends and my close friends and that helps enourmously.

I've just decided to take on my first coda sponsee which i'm really excited about because i know how much we'll both get from being in regular contact and sharing our experiences with codependence. For me it goes hand in hand with love addiction and i could recover in LA without my undersatnding of my coda stuff.

Blessings and joy to you all, V

[sexlessw]

KnowLove:

Go here:

www.womensinfidelity.com Michelle Langley. I got that hormonal information from her book "Living In Limbo: What Women Really Mean When They're Not Happy". I do not suggest you buy the book- it's too darned expensive and, well, poorly written.

HOWEVER, Langley brought up the fact women change in their early 30s. Other hormones kick in AND the reality of being married for a long time hits - what's in it for me after I've done all this work?

It was from Michelle Langley I gleaned the information about EMAs being the crack highs of all crack highs- and the ending of an EMA being the lowest of the low (thanks to bonding chemicals in the brain - and hormonal changes).

I MAY have posted some observations of the book on the other board - if you are interested, let me know and I can post them here - IF I FIND them.

I started my first EMA when I was 32. Not sure if it was hormonal or being hungry for sex. Either way the ending of that was the Pacific Trenches.

[knowlove]

Thanks sexlessw,
Wow! I never thought of that and I am still searching for what I am running from. Could it be loneliness or is there more? I believe I definitely have the "what's in it for me" syndrome after years and years of first taking care of my parents and doing everything then going right to my husband and family. I know I have had the feeling of "This is for me and ONLY me to enjoy." Seems like there are so many aspects, why I did it, why I picked who I picked, why the timing, etc. This LA isnt simplistic that is for darn sure! Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I find it very helpful and fascinating You always have such helpful things to share. Thanks for all your support!