Frozen Feelings 2

[iwillsurvive]

Five days ago I called my POA while under the influence of alcohol and I realized yesterday that it was feelings of hurt and anger that were frozen in me that came out in my drunk dialing. I really didn't say much but instead acted like a teenage girl making a prank call. I enjoyed hearing him squirm. I have since apologized and restored NC with my POA.

What this slip has brought to my attention is how I have a hard time expressing my hurt by crying or releasing my anger. I feel the tears just below the surface but cannot cry. I try to split off my anger because its not nice.

Do any you have suggestions about how to bring my feelings to the surface so I can process them in a healthy way. I don't like to cry or deal with anger but I know the way out is through.

[sexlessw]

IWillSurvive:

I think we've ALL had the drunk dialing situation happen to us at one time. And we've all acted like teenagers on top of it all.

Alas, I cannot share any suggestions about how to bring emotions to the surface.

Although you wrote you "don't like to cry" - crying is beneficial to get the anger out. That's the only bit of wisdom I can share with you.

[trout46]

I will:

I posted this suggestion on another thread a few days ago. FWIW: I have found that journaling--as opposed to my simpling thinking about some situation or condition--helps me to achieve a deeper understanding of the issues I am pondering. As a function of taking me deeper, journaling also takes me deeper, because I am much more likely to get emotional (especially expressed by crying) when I am writing than when I'm thinking or talking to someone else (although there have been situations in which working with a therapist has resulted in my getting more in touch with my feelings).

[iwillsurvive]

Thanks for the empathy sexlessw and the journaling suggestions trout. In counseling this week I was able to cry about old pain. It was refreshing. Today, however, I found another way to experience sadness and anger. I went to my daughter's hair stylist who turned my blonde hair ash mixed with gray and then orange. She also cut off a lot of my hair. Let's just say I got in touch with my anger and I also cried. I lost all my hair during cancer treatment and it took years to grow back. What made the situation worse is that the stylist kept denying that she turned my hair into weird shades and she also fried it while trying to fix it. I'm discouraged. I guess I won't be asking for ways to unlock my feelings for a while.

[g]

IWS
I hope you can feel this hug (((((IWS)))))
I don't even know what to say but my heart sank when I read your post. With what you've been thru with cancer even the suggestion of covering up with scarves or hats would no doubt make your stomach turn. A couple of people close to me are hair stylists and I've experienced their anguish when things far less serious have happened with a client.
The only solution now is to be patient as any more treatment might make things even worse as you already probably know.

I am not obsessive about my hair but it really cheers me up to make it look nice whether curling, straightening, colouring etc. Its therapeutic for me so I know exactly how you must be feeling.

Ugh. I would have screamed and cried. Much worse things could happen I know and of course your hair will grow back but I feel like swearing for you. What about buying a punchbag? I'd have to get that anger out fast if I were in your shoes.
Wish I could say something even slightly helpful
G

[primrose]

Oh am so sorry about your hair, that must have been awful for you Big hug. P.

[iwillsurvive]

Thanks greta and prim for the hugs and empathy. I like the punchbag idea. I did scream in my car to release some of the physical energy. I think I'm going to run when the sun comes up here. I woke up at 2 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I thought losing my hair would be no big deal. My logical side it wasn't that important considering I was fighting for my life. My feelings didn't agree with my logic. I found it very difficult to deal with. People stare. Or look away. I didn't realize how much my hair was tied to my identity. I've always been blonde with green eyes. I was the only one in my family with that combination. Not only did I lose my hair, but because I had ovarian cancer, I went into instant menopause during treatment. I wore wigs for a very long time. It took more than three years to grow wearable hair. It was difficult to look in a mirror. My daughter told me tonight that I should avoid mirrors for a while. Great.

Greta, you're right. My hair cannot take anymore chemicals right now. The stylist wanted to put another color on my hair, but I stopped her before it all fell out. Perhaps there is a message in this situation for me. I know I need to realize my intrinsic value (as we all do) and that my worth is not based on looks, power, achievements, etc. I also can't control my way out of this. I have to let go. My hair grows slowly (probably like my recovery from LRA) but it will grow. In the meantime, I'm less likely to attract another POA. Now, that's looking on the bright side. Yay! I think.

[g]

Honey I was going to say something about HP having a message for you but if he had sent the same one to me well, livid would not decribe my feelings sufficiently.
I've got this looks thing going on and I've had it ever since my h started looking at another woman.
I'm told I'm attractive but its always been my personality that made me popular so I've always assumed my looks were really unimportant. Now I've got into this teenage thing like ' if I were more attractive...', if I had a smaller nose...if I had no stretchmarks or Cscars...
But I never gave a hoot till OW started being so coy around my h. Came dancing in leggings and short t shirts for goodness sake. Ballroom bloody dancing!
But of course that kind of attire turned heads and especially my h's!
What I'm trying to say is looks shouldn't count and really don't when you're in a loving r/s where you feel loved and respected. But when you're not that lucky, every positive thing we feel about ourselves contributes to us feeling more worthy.
I'd go for the bright headscarves and really emphasizing your beautiful green eyes. Being stressed out affects my hair so much and when I first got into recovery my thick mop thinned so noticeably. Its looking healthy again fortunately but I have to be careful not to take it for granted.
So stay positive despite the hair disaster. And DO look in the mirror but concentrate on everything good you have going for you.
Maybe going really short would help you to look forward...Ive done it in the past and it canbe a really good way to have your face stand out and experiment with new make up etc.
Have you tried Facial Exercises by the way? I've been doing them for a couple of months and they are a fab way to start loving your face and to give yourself some nurturing. Yay that would be a great way to take emphasis off your hair!

[primrose]

Have you tried MSM for your hair? I have a friend who had breast cancer and lost her hair. She takes it and says her hair grows like a root, sounds funny but her hair is lovely now. She is quite amazing actually, her skin was like paper after chemo and now she looks wonderful and she did it all with natural products like rosehip oil and supplements. Think you're wise to stay away from chemicals for a while, and v big hug. P.

[quinn]

IWS—Hair disasters can be so traumatic. I really am so sorry this happened. I have always hated going to a new hairdresser because of how out of control I feel. I tend to prefer to do everything myself because I think I can do a better job of it but can't cut my own hair. Letting a new person take scissors to it is pretty scary. And color is even scarier.

Having lost it all to cancer must make this much harder to take. I do love your positive outlook though about it meaning you are less likely to attract a POA!

Hugs.

[g]

I had to rename this thread 'Frozen Feelings 2'.

Lots of good posts on both threads.
G