Loving my inner child

[serenity]

Hi my darling vee, I know how vital it is to let you know I'm there for you today as there is so much happening in my life, a big change with my new job and accepting my need to be distant from my family which is really scray for you to accept I know. The programme we watched last night about the orphan child called 'The Unloved' was too painful to keep watching as I knew I was feeling hormonal and that it may hurt me to see how sad this little girls life was.

I didn't have her pain growing up as my family didn't physically abandon me to an orphanage but part of me felt I would have been better off if they had and that’s incredibly painful to accept.

I've been dreaming a lot about ex's again recenlty. The other night it was my qualifier trying to tell me he wants to put right what he did by getting into recovery and I was talking to him about my recovery and in the dream I was screaming at myself in my head .....why are you telling him this, STOP!

I was showing him round the house I grew up in and I wanted to show him where we said 'the witches lived' at the bottom of the garden which was a childhood fantasy and one I think my dad made up. As we got to the wooded area where the witches lived it was all road and it didn't exist anymore. This I find interesting as some of my childhood beliefs are changing now because I'm choosing to see reality more.

I've known for a while now that my father called me stupid a lot and I believed him as I heard it so often but I can recognise now when I'm doing this to myself and saying I'm stupid and I notice it, say I'm powerless at the moment and tell myself I love myself and my inner child.

I am starting to like myself as I become more honest and accepting of myself but I'm having to 'fake it till I make it' with saying I love myself and that’s ok for today.

[serenity]

Dear little vee,

I haven’t written to you in weeks and i know you’re feeling so very vulnerable right now with everything that’s come up in your restore healing and what to do about being back in touch with your mum and a lot of these feelings you are trying to repress with the obsessive thinking about a guy and I know how hard this can be for you as it’s what you’ve done all your life to cope.

I want you to listen to what God wants to say to you now little one.

My darling vee, I just had an image of how you feel whereby you find it so hard to know your loveable and beautiful because of what your earthly father told you and I need you to listen to what your father God wants you to know now. I’m so happy to have you as my daughter vee, my heart leaps with joy each time I see you come to talk to me and give me your worries. I see your heart longing for the love I have to give you and I want you to know that in me your heart is set free and I am mending the brokenness within your heart so that you can fully receive my love.

I know how hard you find it to trust me and I don’t want you to fight these feelings, you don’t need to fight them because the day you chose to live in me with your baptism was the day you became fully rooted in my kingdom and nothing can ever break our bond. No matter how tough times may shake you and sway you all over the place leaving you feeling sometimes totally abandoned, your heart now knows the patterns of my heart for you and your ability to trust is growing each time we speak.

I’m so delighted that you are able to allow Jesus to be your beloved and romance you in all the ways you want to dream of a man romancing you. When he came to you in your dream recently to dance with you. you knew that the wait was worth it because no one can love you the way Jesus does, no one can soothe your heart and spirit the way he does just by being by your side, there to listen to you and reassure you that his will for you is good, pleasing and perfect. I love you vee, I love you more than you will ever be able to conceive in this world and I’m so pleased with what I have created in you, you are so special and such a beautiful girl inside and out and I’m thanking the heavens for you today and everyday. Amen