Post by g on Sept 14, 2010 12:22:24 GMT -5
I have come up with some characteristics for LRAA. Inspired by RCA and SLAA characteristics, rewritten or reworded. I added some things as they came to me.
Is there anything we want to add or modify? We should try to make them as specific as possible for our fellowship.
We can discuss for a week and then put them to vote. All suggestions welcome, including order in which we present them.
Greta
Is LRAA for You?
Most of us find that when we look at the statements listed below that we can identify with some, if not all of them. This faulty thinking can stand between happiness and harmony in our future relationships . Check those you think may apply. If you identify with these statements then you probably belong in LRAA.
1. I am better off being in a relationship and unhappy than being alone.
2. It is safer to be with a specific person even if they neglect me rather than being alone.
3. If I really let him/her know what I've done or what I'm feeling and thinking (who I am), I'll be abandoned
4 It is easier to avoid, hide or medicate my feelings than it is to express them.
5. Being enmeshed with and dependent on a specific person is perceived as being in love.
6. I find it difficult to ask for what I need or want.
7. In a romantic relationship, being sexual with our Significant other is equal to being intimate.
8. I either avoid my problems, or feel I am solely responsible for them.
9. I believe that I must agree with others on everything in order to be accepted as a friend, co-worker, partner or family member.
10. I believe that I must enjoy the same things and have the same interests as my friend/partner and I neglect my own likes to be liked by him/her.
11. I believe that to be a good person I must be socially acceptable.
12. I've forgotten how to really enjoy myself
13. I don't appreciate what I have in life if I'm not in a relationship.
14. I get upset about little issues rather than expressing my feelings about larger ones.
15. It is easier to blame others than it is to accept my own responsibility.
16. I deal with conflict by getting totally out of control or by not arguing at all.
17. I think of myself as an inadequate parent.
18. I am ashamed of myself.
19. I repeat patterns of dysfunction from my family of origin.
20. I feel there is a terrible void in my life whenever I am not in a r/s
21. I try to control how often I see someone or how much contact I have with them.
22. I am unable to stop seeing a specific person even when I know the r/s is destructive.
23. I feel I have to hide my behavior and/or my obsessive thoughts from people around me
24. I get 'high' from contact with or attention from a specific person and crash when that contact ends
25. I make promises and rules for myself about how I am going to behave with a specific person then find I am unable to keep those promises or respect those rules
26. I believe that being in a r/s with someone is the only way to make my life bearable
27. I believe that someone else can fix me and make me whole
28. My behavior when in a r/s affects my reputation in a negative way
29. In order to escape from or deal with life's problems I feel I have to be in a r/s
30. I progressively need a greater variety, more energy and increasing attention in my r/s just to achieve an acceptable level of physical and emotional relief
31. I need to fall in love regularly or be love in order to feel like a real man or real woman
32. I am jaded after a series of failed relationships.
33. I am unable to concentrate on other areas of life because of recurring thoughts and feelings about another person
34. I find myself obsessing about a specific person or situation even though these thoughts bring pain, longing and discomfort
35. I have wished I could stop or control being in relationships for a given period of time. I have wanted to be less emotionally dependent
36. The pain in my life seems to be increasing no matter what I do. I am afraid deep down that I am unacceptable and unlovable
37. I lack dignity and integrity
38. My relationships affect my spiritual life in a negative way.
39. My life has become unmanageable because of my behavior in relationships and my excessive dependency needs
40. I think that I could do more with my life if I wasn't so driven by my romantic pursuits
Is there anything we want to add or modify? We should try to make them as specific as possible for our fellowship.
We can discuss for a week and then put them to vote. All suggestions welcome, including order in which we present them.
Greta
Is LRAA for You?
Most of us find that when we look at the statements listed below that we can identify with some, if not all of them. This faulty thinking can stand between happiness and harmony in our future relationships . Check those you think may apply. If you identify with these statements then you probably belong in LRAA.
1. I am better off being in a relationship and unhappy than being alone.
2. It is safer to be with a specific person even if they neglect me rather than being alone.
3. If I really let him/her know what I've done or what I'm feeling and thinking (who I am), I'll be abandoned
4 It is easier to avoid, hide or medicate my feelings than it is to express them.
5. Being enmeshed with and dependent on a specific person is perceived as being in love.
6. I find it difficult to ask for what I need or want.
7. In a romantic relationship, being sexual with our Significant other is equal to being intimate.
8. I either avoid my problems, or feel I am solely responsible for them.
9. I believe that I must agree with others on everything in order to be accepted as a friend, co-worker, partner or family member.
10. I believe that I must enjoy the same things and have the same interests as my friend/partner and I neglect my own likes to be liked by him/her.
11. I believe that to be a good person I must be socially acceptable.
12. I've forgotten how to really enjoy myself
13. I don't appreciate what I have in life if I'm not in a relationship.
14. I get upset about little issues rather than expressing my feelings about larger ones.
15. It is easier to blame others than it is to accept my own responsibility.
16. I deal with conflict by getting totally out of control or by not arguing at all.
17. I think of myself as an inadequate parent.
18. I am ashamed of myself.
19. I repeat patterns of dysfunction from my family of origin.
20. I feel there is a terrible void in my life whenever I am not in a r/s
21. I try to control how often I see someone or how much contact I have with them.
22. I am unable to stop seeing a specific person even when I know the r/s is destructive.
23. I feel I have to hide my behavior and/or my obsessive thoughts from people around me
24. I get 'high' from contact with or attention from a specific person and crash when that contact ends
25. I make promises and rules for myself about how I am going to behave with a specific person then find I am unable to keep those promises or respect those rules
26. I believe that being in a r/s with someone is the only way to make my life bearable
27. I believe that someone else can fix me and make me whole
28. My behavior when in a r/s affects my reputation in a negative way
29. In order to escape from or deal with life's problems I feel I have to be in a r/s
30. I progressively need a greater variety, more energy and increasing attention in my r/s just to achieve an acceptable level of physical and emotional relief
31. I need to fall in love regularly or be love in order to feel like a real man or real woman
32. I am jaded after a series of failed relationships.
33. I am unable to concentrate on other areas of life because of recurring thoughts and feelings about another person
34. I find myself obsessing about a specific person or situation even though these thoughts bring pain, longing and discomfort
35. I have wished I could stop or control being in relationships for a given period of time. I have wanted to be less emotionally dependent
36. The pain in my life seems to be increasing no matter what I do. I am afraid deep down that I am unacceptable and unlovable
37. I lack dignity and integrity
38. My relationships affect my spiritual life in a negative way.
39. My life has become unmanageable because of my behavior in relationships and my excessive dependency needs
40. I think that I could do more with my life if I wasn't so driven by my romantic pursuits
??
xxx