my journal of withdrawal (moonlight)

[moonlight]

I like KL's blog a lot, it gives a clear overview of what has happened to her after her decision to go NC with her POA.
I'd like to do the same thing.
I have made ground rules for myself, which I've been sticking by since yesterday. It's really hard and already I've been tempted multiple times. They are:

I will not ask the oracle for advice on a potential partner more than once.
I will not date anyone if I have evidence that they don't fit my criteria (shared sense of humor, smart, compassionate, assertive and communicating in an equal way).
I will not have sex with someone until I'm in a committed relationship in which we've agreed on faithfulness.
I will not go into a committed relationship unless I feel good about it emotionally, spiritually and physically.

I will not cyberstalk my ex, his ex-wife or their children.
I will not go places hoping to meet them.

I will only date online when I feel steady and good about myself in the hands of god.
I will behave with dignity at all time.

[moonlight]

Today I've been tempted to ask the oracle if it really cannot work out with the guy I've been dating with for six weeks. I ended the contact because of doubts and because the oracle warned me explicitly several times. Still I want to ask it again. Maybe this time?

This is madness, because whatever it was that may have been the reason for warning me, is bound not to have gone away after two days... In fact this is the addiction showing itself. I'm so addicted to this oracle throwing. It gives me a little high each time I do it. Did it

The other one I was tempted to break was the one about not going into a rs unless I feel totally good about it.

And last but not least, in certain circumstances I'm still looking out for the children of my ex. Last Sunday I went to the Zoo and told myself that was a nice excursion, but I couldn't help but look around fiercely if I'd see them (they go quite a lot on Sundays). That was a lesson. There are a few places and times that I should avoid if I don't want to go into the stalking modus. I know what they are and they aren't hard to avoid, fortunately.

I do feel thrilled that I'm really coping with my impulses and not giving in. And looking for contact with my higher power instead as a way of confirmation.