Whirlwind of perfect destruction

[serenity]

I feel it’s important to accept that there appears to be some kind of spiritual attack on myself and those around me at the moment. I sense it on our board here too and I want to speak out here that we all have worked incredibly hard to understand, feel, live through and accept our love addictions and its been our higher power thats helped us through that enormous sometimes unbearable challenge and I want to give Thanks to God for the strength he has given me and for the support he’s provided for me.

I’m going away for a week to the lakes for a spiritual retreat next week in order to get close to God and get a better understanding of my emptiness within. It seems that this time away has been orchestrated at just the right time as this week at work has been very testing for me due to the marketing director of my firm having a huge go at me in front of the office and together with the bullying from my father I feel a huge weight over me right now which is why i believe that i am under some kind of spiritual attack.

I feel as if God is stripping me away slowly but surely so that I come to rely on him as my heavenly father more and more. As he strips me of my old life and old behaviours i’m being forced to stand up for myself and honour my feelings which i find incredibly difficult and uncomfortable but its the only way forward now and i have to keep pushing past the fear and do it anyway.

I don’t know whether i am disassociating from the feelings about my mother as i don’t feel particularly sad about not having a mother influence in my life. I can’t miss what i’ve never really had but at the same time my mother was the life and soul of the party or unavailable through her depression and that has taught me not to trust her which is maybe why i don’t feel i’ve lost anything by not having her in my life.

I really don’t feel i’ve lost anything by not having my father in my life now as he’s unable to have relationships with people which is what he told me about myself last week so i can see his own projection there. Its also been true for me as i’ve not been able to have true, intimate relationships with friends/boyfriends/co-workers etc because i wasn’t shown how to but I’ve decided to put a stop to that by re-parenting myself through God and my programme.

I’ve heard the word orphan mentioned to me a number of times now and i keep asking myself if i feel like an orphan but my mind won’t let me feel this because i know in my heart i am a daughter of a King and that makes me very happy. I have an Inner turmoil going on whilst also knowing that i’m in a better place than i could have ever got myself too if it wasn’t for God stripping my relationships with men and my family away from me. Its like i’m in whirlwind of perfect destruction, it’s scary and confusing but for my greater good which i totally trust in.

[g]

God is the only one who has NEVER let me down Vee. He has always been there for me even after I've turned my back on Him. He is in my heart and guides me in every choice I make.
My addiction, at its worst , caused me to look away from God in shame. But I didn't feel rejected. I know He wanted me to cone back to Him and to turn my back on the temptation that was driving me away from Him.
I have a chakras weekend the day after tomorrow and I will listen to the teacher saying over and over again that
the faith of my Church is warped. I listen. I let it go
I take what I need and leave the rest. It can be very hard to do that sometimes but it's what works best for me.
Hope you have a wonderful week.
G

[primrose]

Vee, perhaps knowing that God will hold you will help you face any feelings of being an orphan that you might have. I think having trust helps me face whatever feelings I have to face. I don't believe in God, but I do have that deep feeling of trust inside me that means I KNOW I'll be okay. Perhaps that's a similar thing to having faith. Just that unbidden trust that what I have to face, I can face, even the deepest pain I could imagine. Whatever it is, it will be okay.