Step 3 Moonlight

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[moonlight]

January 2010

How you can become more independent by becoming more dependent on a higher power

Hm, very good question. I'll have to let that sink in a little. Funny thing: my sister asked me a few days ago, when I tried to explain to her about LAA, the website, the steps and specifically step three: But aren't you trading in one dependency for another than, really?

And I had to agree with her. But I told her it makes me feel light to depend on a higher power (when I manage). Things go effortlessly. I feel like an instrument of something larger, something very loving. I don't feel to be big or small, good or bad, pretty or plain, just to be. No ego.

I don't think I could talk her into it though...:-)

It's like the analogy of sailing on a river in a canoo. If you know how to find the right place, it doesn't take much energy usually. You want to avoid the places where the flow is stopping and the water starts to rot; but you also want to avoid the rough, dangerous side; just staying in the middle and working with the flow. Yes, I like that image. As long as I work with the flow, I'll usually stay dry and feel content. But at some places in the river that's just impossible: there are only hard ways through or waterfalls. Here I need to either get out of the boat and walk or sometimes suffer.
I'll get back to this after giving it some more thought.

[moonlight]

Not much more has come up on this subject the last couple of days. I don't feel connected to a higher power and I wish I did. I am looking forward to the feeling of depending more on a higher power.
Just one thing: yesterday morning I woke up feeling: it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks of me, because I can decide what I agree with and what not. It has no influence on my life if anyone thinks negatively.
I very soon lost the feeling. I'd like it back. Higher Power: please give me clarity on this feeling and lead the way to being there more often!

[moonlight]

D&R upon the following;

A) Spiritual growth is a daily committment

B) How can I grow daily?

I've just written down the 12 spiritual principles, this is helpful. The following are already part of my daily routine: study, solitude, service, confession, guidance.

And the others I have to work on:
-Meditation: I know how to do it, I have to make it part of my daily routine.
-Prayer: I pray regularly, though not on set times yet.
-Humility: I experience this once in a while. I can make it part of my daily routine by imagining myself next to a huge mountain, or in a huge church building, or something. To feel small.
-Simplicity: I do enjoy the simple things usually, but I can make it more of a routine. I can plan days in nature on a 2 week basis. I'll start today.
-Submission: after answering the questions I'm going to do a 3th step in a church with an OA-friend. Afterwards, I'll say the 3th step prayer on a daily basis.
-Worship: I think, comes from doing the above things. I do keep a gratitude diary, that also helps.
-Celebration: I love to sing. I can do that more often. I don't like to dance in public, it makes me feel very uncomfortable.. but when I'm on my bike in Amsterdam, and I sing, I feel on top of the world! So this will happen instantly since I now have a bike again.

So my pledge:
On a daily basis, I'll do the following:
-Take one hour before I have to go to sleep;
-Meditate for 20 minutes;
-End it by contemplating on humility/my smallness in comparison to god;
-Write my gratitude journal;
-Tell god what's on my mind;
-End with the 3th step prayer (after I've officially done it).

I'll plan ahead visits to nature on a 2 week basis.
I'll remember to celebrate when appropriate :-) Actually I feel like throwing a little party in a month or so to celebrate the spring.

[moonlight]

Hi all!

Today, I 'did' my third step. With a friend from OA. It was very intense and I felt very uncomfortable because of the intimacy. But that's wonderful, this is what I want to reach: being able to be on the same level with friends and a future partner, not underneath or above. So it was good practice. We also had a good laugh.. I'd written a long prayer and last minute I decided to add the founders of AA to my list of gratitude. So I said: thank you founders of AA, for all the hard work you've put in, thanks Bill W. and dr...... I didn't remember his name. So my friend who wanted to help, whispered "dr. Phil" (to remember a second later that wasn't quite right). I didn't notice and thanked dr. Phil for founding AA.... My friend and I had a really good laugh and I sincerely hope and think that dr. Bob will see the fun of it as well, from up above... :-)