Post by primrose on Jul 1, 2011 9:35:03 GMT -5
I've been annoyed by a few things recently and I'd like to take a closer look at them and see my part in it.
1. A work colleague I've been passing on jobs to asked me to hand out her business cards to my clients if they want something done and I can't do it because I'm pregnant.
I think that's over-stepping the mark and it annoyed me that she'd suggest that.
What went on for me? I was shocked by her pushiness really. I felt angry that she should be so pushy. Why is that? What does it matter really if she is pushy? I can (and did) say no. I think I get angry if someone isn't polite when I give them something. If I give something good (and I've given this woman very nice work recently) I expect to be treated with respect.
I took her pushiness personally and was offended by it. Really, it's her character flaw, not mine. It's not a reflection on me.
I think I judge her pushiness and want to punish her for it. I guess it triggers something in me about not being able to assert myself as a child and ask for what I needed, so when someone asks for too much I get very annoyed.
2. My friend who is trying to get pregnant told me she thought it was wrong to announce I was pregnant before my test results came though and that she'd been so worried about the babies. She also reminded me that things can go very wrong at this stage.
I was annoyed about that as it's her stuff and I thought it was inappropriate for her to be negative about me being pregnant.
The more I think about this, the more I see that I need to protect myself from jealousy. I am naive still about women being jealous of me and I often forget that that can motivate people. I have to wise up to jealousy. I'm very compassionate about people who are in pain, but I need to be compassionate to myself and take care that I'm not around that kind of resentment and bitterness.
3. A friend of mine who is depressed visited me and went on at length about her problems.
I was annoyed about that because she is very demanding and wants a lot of attention about her problems but is stuck and won't do anything to help herself or change anything.
This is just basic co-dependent stuff. I need to detach from her (I am doing) and let her do what she needs to do, whether that involves her changing or not. I'm bored of the same-old-story from her, so I know that means I need to let go of talking to her about it, it's no use to me or her. I can't be present for people who are stuck, I have enough of my own stuckness.
Interestingly, I don't feel as attracted to helping as I used to. I get annoyed in a good way by demanding people now. I see that they are selfish, I don't feel compelled to listen and empathise in quite the same way that I used to.
4. A work colleague analysed me in a real crass way.
I was annoyed because he has just begun to learn about concepts like "narcissism" and he's wielding a very blunt instrument in a very pompous way.
This colleague triggers a lot about my brother. He doesn't have my brother's intelligence, but he has his rigidity. I felt annoyed with his stupidity and wanted to crush him for being so idiotic. I realise that stupidity is one thing I have no tolerance for, I have no patience with it. My mother was like that and I behave like her in that kind of situation. Well.. I don't behave like her, I'm not rude to someone if they are slow, but I feel irritated by it. I take their ignorance personally.
That's quite weird. Their ignorance isn't a reflection on me. I think I must still be judging the slow and unsure part of myself that my mother despised. The part that made mistakes and was foolish.
It's quite interesting to look at all of this! The little things that irritate me are actually quite important. They show me where my boundaries are still fragile, where I need to detach and also that in some ways I am still taking other peoples' behaviour personally.
1. A work colleague I've been passing on jobs to asked me to hand out her business cards to my clients if they want something done and I can't do it because I'm pregnant.
I think that's over-stepping the mark and it annoyed me that she'd suggest that.
What went on for me? I was shocked by her pushiness really. I felt angry that she should be so pushy. Why is that? What does it matter really if she is pushy? I can (and did) say no. I think I get angry if someone isn't polite when I give them something. If I give something good (and I've given this woman very nice work recently) I expect to be treated with respect.
I took her pushiness personally and was offended by it. Really, it's her character flaw, not mine. It's not a reflection on me.
I think I judge her pushiness and want to punish her for it. I guess it triggers something in me about not being able to assert myself as a child and ask for what I needed, so when someone asks for too much I get very annoyed.
2. My friend who is trying to get pregnant told me she thought it was wrong to announce I was pregnant before my test results came though and that she'd been so worried about the babies. She also reminded me that things can go very wrong at this stage.
I was annoyed about that as it's her stuff and I thought it was inappropriate for her to be negative about me being pregnant.
The more I think about this, the more I see that I need to protect myself from jealousy. I am naive still about women being jealous of me and I often forget that that can motivate people. I have to wise up to jealousy. I'm very compassionate about people who are in pain, but I need to be compassionate to myself and take care that I'm not around that kind of resentment and bitterness.
3. A friend of mine who is depressed visited me and went on at length about her problems.
I was annoyed about that because she is very demanding and wants a lot of attention about her problems but is stuck and won't do anything to help herself or change anything.
This is just basic co-dependent stuff. I need to detach from her (I am doing) and let her do what she needs to do, whether that involves her changing or not. I'm bored of the same-old-story from her, so I know that means I need to let go of talking to her about it, it's no use to me or her. I can't be present for people who are stuck, I have enough of my own stuckness.
Interestingly, I don't feel as attracted to helping as I used to. I get annoyed in a good way by demanding people now. I see that they are selfish, I don't feel compelled to listen and empathise in quite the same way that I used to.
4. A work colleague analysed me in a real crass way.
I was annoyed because he has just begun to learn about concepts like "narcissism" and he's wielding a very blunt instrument in a very pompous way.
This colleague triggers a lot about my brother. He doesn't have my brother's intelligence, but he has his rigidity. I felt annoyed with his stupidity and wanted to crush him for being so idiotic. I realise that stupidity is one thing I have no tolerance for, I have no patience with it. My mother was like that and I behave like her in that kind of situation. Well.. I don't behave like her, I'm not rude to someone if they are slow, but I feel irritated by it. I take their ignorance personally.
That's quite weird. Their ignorance isn't a reflection on me. I think I must still be judging the slow and unsure part of myself that my mother despised. The part that made mistakes and was foolish.
It's quite interesting to look at all of this! The little things that irritate me are actually quite important. They show me where my boundaries are still fragile, where I need to detach and also that in some ways I am still taking other peoples' behaviour personally.
