Daily Check in

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OOOOOOH lucky you! Can I come to Edinburgh too? Love it so much.


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You'll be fine Serenity if you hand it over to your HP

[trout46]

Serenity:

That is an awesome attitude you have about your 4th/5th steps! So many people I've sponsored in other 12-step programs have been frightened to death over those steps, even after they have confronted their own demons in working through their moral inventories.

There is so much strength and courage that blossoms in sharing your 4th step with another person.

[primrose]

DY, so happy for you that you're stronger. I share your feelings about DA...

Serenity, say hello to Edinburgh for me, my home city I hope you have a lovely time. Don't think you'll have any problem getting online in Edinburgh, it's only in The Highlands that it's sometimes difficult.

Am very tired tonight. Think I'm ill, which surprises me. I don't really believe in getting ill. But I guess what I believe doesn't always tally with reality. P.

[knowlove]

DY If they had a vaccine I surely would have gotten it YEARS ago lol I just try to be aware of my feelings now ans k myself why I am feeling a certain way and am I overanalyzing or over reacting. Usually the answer is yes
I think the best way to handle these situations is to wait. I find 9/10 if I wait, I always feel better, see things much more clearly and do not do something I'll regret. My POA pings me a lot all of a sudden. I do not ignore him as I am not ANGRY with him. I do not ping him myself though. I do not initiate contact and so far I am doing much better than I ever thought I would (I took off the rose colored glasses).
Serenity-pray for safe travel and you will have online access. As for going with your Dad, like DY, only you know how you are feeling but I agree, sometimes they turn into a wonderful experience where you really get to know and understand them better. I pray for this as you travel with your dad. Peace and understanding to you.
Prim,so sorry you are tired and feeling ill. Hope you get some rest and are feeling better.
G- hope you are relaxing and taking time for you as you've worked so hard and done so much. I am very grateful for all who have worked so hard to get this board going.
I am doing ok today. Had a wonderful morning as I had breakfast with my parents and son. Did a bit of shopping with my Mom and then went back to the house where my son was fishing in their backyard canal. My son and dad are pretty close. My son caught a bass and he was very excited as was my dad. Just a great morning and early afternoon. THEN, my H calls and starts bitching. He has been doing this a lot lately to the point I dont even want to talk to him when he calls. He is a real downer. I sent him an email explaining how I feel, that I feel like nothing I do is ever right. Just getting really tired of his bitching and lecturing all the time. Don't know what to do about it. He tends to be a negative person anyway. When I try to talk to him nicely about it he denies it. Seriously! What can you do with someone like that? Any suggestions? And I wonder why I RUN to POA's some days??SO what was a very nice day turned sour after being on the phone with my H for two minutes. Unfortunately not unusual. Just don't know what to do about that.

[moonlight]

I feel very scared about having to work tomorrow. I feel the urge to procastinate going to sleep. Whereas I'll feel much worse tomorrow if I do that. Also, I hope to chat to the guy online again. It's a bit obsessive. Still, I like him.
My goal is not so much to refrain from getting into relationships, but to stay as healthy as I can throughout it.

Moonlight

[recovery1st]

Hi!
I have a lot of new things going on in the way of stress & distraction. I'm angry about the stuff my H says these days. I see him as such a selfish person with no regard to my feelings...which is what led me to give up & latch on a new PoA since I did not have these tools yet. I'm thankful to have learned that latching on to any person is not the answer to my problems...in fact it's been the problem. Funny how the most natural thing for me to do (LA) is to hold on tight to a person, no matter what. Especially when there are so many matters that say let go.

I want to have a stable comfortable low stress life, starting now.

OMG...my H seems obsurd to me now.

My qualifier...quietly hear he is the key to my happiness...but know he is not, that is a miracle. There were many days I could not come to that conclusion.

Such a long way to go, with many obstacles. HP...HELP!!!

[iwillsurvive]

DY - Thanks for the laugh when I read your signoff: "So many addictions, so little time."
Serenity - I pray for wisdom for you as you think about approaching your dad, for a good trip, for peace and for a great housemate!
Prim - Hope you feel better! Take good care of yourself.
Knowlove - I was apparently married to your H's twin. You may want to let your H's calls go to voice mail. It puts some space between his mood and your ears.
Moonlight - Hope you get a good night's sleep and let us know how your dating life develops.
Recovery1st - Good insights!
I am a little challenged today since I went to see a neurologist and she gave me a long list of tests and referrals I need to follow-up on. Nothing serious is going on (at least I don't think so). I just don't like going through these tests, etc. I am fearful because of mistakes that were made during my treatment for cancer. Still, I know it's part of self-care. Sometimes I try to pretend I'm one of my children. What would I do for them? It tricks me into treating myself better.

[knowlove]

Iwill-love that thought process "what would you do for your kids?" GREAT idea. I'll have to try that myself.
I do occasionally let h's calls go to voice mail and if he does not hear back, say within an hour or so, he'll call again and be more exasperated. I know he hates not having control, he is very needy, he takes his stress out on me and I always made it my job to make sure I would make him happy somehow if he wasn't (including seduction).
So lame. Im not even that into him that way. ;D

But anyway, here's a funny thing I realized today and may be major breakthrough here guys(!) I've never thought of myself as sexually anoretic, but guess what! I am seriously wondering. This is why.......all I wanted was POA's attention, affection, etc. The times Id cry because he blew me off or what I perceived to be that. Now that we "talked" and I understand him better, I realize what his issue is. Now that he tries to talk to me every day guess what!!? Eh..don't care. Blah blah blah.
Here I was....what a little over a month ago so upset because he has a new GF (so why is he pinging me everyday!?-I'm not asking that literally)? He is still with her but talking to me every. single. day. What I ALWAYS wanted..................or so I thought (aha moment). Now that I am getting said attention, I am quite bored. Ho hum. Never thought of myself as anoretic but it sure looks that way now. Previous POA's I never fully felt I had them except one after a very long long time and many talks-we are talking 15 years here folks so figured I just got bored but I didn't want him either once realizing how much he did care (although I was fine with him as a friend). The other's I chased to prove I would get them one way or another but it never worked so was a constant chase-never got bored with that). One lasted a month and I got caught so never had time to feel "over it" with him.
This is something very new to me. Could it be I just got sick of his crap? Or is it that I feel I "have" him now (I know I could if I wanted)? I tend to think the latter because when chasing a POA, no matter how much crap they throw, I just get more determined not to give up. Yes, pathetic ole me. Never one to give up the challenge! I am kind of excited about this revelation. Not like it's a good thing, but it makes me feel like I am making a lot of progress and THAT feels great. Just very surprising to me as I've always considered myself a very needy love addict and really truly WANTING that love, affection and attention. Never really got it before or for a long enough period to think maybe I really DONT.

[recovery1st]

IWillSurvive,
Great stradegy in self care!

MoonLight,
Good goal. Lately, making time for HP & reocvery work, less desire to do the behaviors.

I got in an arguement with my H & want to stay away from him at all costs. We have lived as roommates for quite sometime, but him falling in love & backing out of his program has me feeling like I am supposed to jump in & save him. He says ridiculous things & I think he is far from reality. I totally get that, I do. He was the avoidant in our relationship & is the LA in this one. I am concerned for where he is headed but in the meantime do not like the things he says. It's no longer my place to save him from himself. It never was, but that's the role I played...not giving much thought to saving myself. I get so mad at him yet after thought I see that part of it is me wanting to be old me. The girl that always knows what's best for him...yea right, I don't. I am barely learning what may be best for me & even that I'm not good at yet.

I'm frustrated. I want stability. That will mean minding my own business.

[knowlove]

So hard not to want to take care of everyone else when we are so used to it!! I too am trying to back out of this slowly with everyone in my life. it will take time but I believe we can both do this and will be the better for it.
Im sorry your having such a hard time with you H. Slowly taking care of yourself while backing out doing so for others will be very rearding i think. Sending you ((((((hugs))))))

[moonlight]

I feel scared because I have to go to work. Took some anxiety relieving pill (just a quarter, tiny little bit). Let's see if it helps.
Tired, scared moonlight.

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Hugs to you M. Hope the anxiety passes soon. Thinking about you
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[g]

P, I know that you're not feeling well and that you probably won't be on the board much today but I just wanted to tell you I'm thinking about you and that I'll say a wee prayer for you.
Get well soon cos we need you! Very selfish of me to put it like that,isn't it? Sorry. You know what I meant!
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GET WELL SOON PRIMROSE!!!
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