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Post by quinn on Jul 19, 2010 20:20:04 GMT -5
I thought this thread would be a good place for my "confession" about the board. I started to realize last week that I was getting obsessive here, feeling like if I responded in my post to someone, I also had to respond to every single person who had also posted in that thread since the last time I posted. And like if I didn't, I was going to hurt people's feelings. And then to make matters worse I realized I was starting to get competitive about my NUMBER of posts. I found myself spending way too much time writing not just because I had things to say or felt codependently responsible to respond to everyone, but because I wanted my number of posts to be higher.
Needless to say this is an embarrassing and humiliating thing to realize, much less admit to everyone publicly. But I thought it best for myself that I announce it to everyone, thereby poking a whole in the balloon of my narcissism, rather than keeping it to myself.
I am, in the future, going to try to write only when I am moved to say something I really need to say or when I really think I might be able to be helpful to someone else.
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Post by g on Jul 19, 2010 22:11:48 GMT -5
BTDT Quinn! It's early days on this board and we need as many obsessive posters as we can get Please feel free to post as often as you like. I love reading posts and finding that they are making me think more deeply about my recovery. Your posts are really helpful to me and I'd hate to see you posting less. All the feelings you described in your post above, I have had too, but I think it's best to keep writing whenever we feel inspired to do so. I left over 2000 posts on the other site many of which were mindless ramblings but every single one helped me on the road to recovery. Far from recovered , but working on it every waking moment of the day whether posting here or trying to be a better wife and mother IRL. G
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Post by sexlessw on Jul 20, 2010 14:54:55 GMT -5
Well, I've been a QUINN-ITE, but back in the past, on other forums about vastly different topics.
However, it's OKAY not to respond to something you do not know about.
But aren't we all supposed to be omniscient (sp)? HO HO HO.
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Post by quinn on Jul 21, 2010 10:29:38 GMT -5
Thanks for your responses Greta and Sexless (QUINN-ITE Ha ha!)
I have to say I'm having a lot of regret about this post though. I'm afraid I may have been misunderstood as saying I'm not going to respond to anyone anymore unless I selfishly feel like it. Or that my prior posts have been disingenuous. That's not the case at all. Every post I ever wrote was from my heart and I LOVE everyone here and I very much want to support everyone here. What I was trying to do is be honest about my narcissism. But now I fear nobody likes me anymore. Which is, of course, more narcissism on my part. Yuck. Just can't get away from myself.
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Post by g on Jul 21, 2010 10:39:56 GMT -5
oh yes you're soooooooo narcissistic Quinn. And you just don't belong with the rest of us at all ;D ;D ;D
G (little 16 yr-old narc par excellence)
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Post by sexlessw on Jul 22, 2010 6:02:39 GMT -5
Hey Quinn - I understood what you meant. Internet forums can be quite addictive - seriously! I'll spare everybody my "Back in the day when I was..." story.
And remember it's all about ME ME ME ME - ho ho ho.
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Post by knowlove on Jul 22, 2010 9:02:21 GMT -5
Quinn I understand as well but do want you to know I love your posts and get a lot out of them as well as the others. It really helps. I too worry I might have left someone out or would hurt their feelings by doing so. Caretaker in me that needs to let things go. Hard after doing it for my whole life! Thanks for posting and sharing. I understand how hard it can be but this is the one place no one will judge you!!! Isn't it grand?
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Post by trout46 on Jul 22, 2010 20:05:54 GMT -5
Quinn, it is our disease talking. I totally get it, but need to tell you I really like your posts--a lot!
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Post by rickfaith on Jul 22, 2010 22:42:07 GMT -5
i find it weierd i can post about a recent near death experience...( to me it was) and no one seems to read or post about it. Not much competing there i guess eh? Just sayin'
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Post by g on Jul 22, 2010 23:47:19 GMT -5
Rick, I'm sorry you feel so ignored. I think that sometimes people are in so much pain themselves that they can't cope with the pain of others. So, while you may feel that you are invisible at times, I think what you are going thru with your mom, your aggressive siblings, your troubled gf and now your frightening health problems might just be too much for others even to acknowledge. I hope little Rick can look to God for comfort today andfeel some affection in His loving arms.
Big virtual hug from me (((((Rick)))))
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Post by rickfaith on Jul 23, 2010 6:46:42 GMT -5
thanks Greta...laying there afraid i would die a few days ago was a lot for me to digest and still is somewhat...afraid it will come back again. I will look to HP today yes. xo
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Post by CJ on Jul 23, 2010 8:34:48 GMT -5
Quinn - I think it is natural to acknowledge individual posts in a conversation. I see it in other boards. On this board, I just see those acknowledgments as someone trying to share insights or just say they empathize. I suppose it can be obsessive, I never thought that of your posts.
Rick - I understand what you are saying. Sometimes there is no response to one of my posts and the needy part of me is disappointed. I know, however, that it is not a rejection of me. People are busy, they are focused on their own recovery, the post was buried by a busy conversation, the post was at the end of a page before a busy discussion. It can be anything. Many times I do not respond to a post because I just don't feel I have anything to add or it hits home too closely and I feel hypocritical replying.
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Post by rickfaith on Jul 23, 2010 8:40:42 GMT -5
I here all that CJ...thanks...just was a hellish week in emerg and thought i was gonna actually die and die young with Moms care not secured and my kids future etc. Wasnt afraid to die...was afraid not to live...theres a difference. Hugs to all.
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Post by knowlove on Jul 23, 2010 9:03:13 GMT -5
Rick, I answered in another thread believe it was daily check in about your horrible experience in the ER. I saw others responded there as well. Is that what you were talking about?
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Post by rickfaith on Jul 23, 2010 9:55:37 GMT -5
its ok....thx knowlove, and all who come here for support and help.
xo
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